This recent weekend was General Conference and I remember none of it. I was in my living room listening to it while the toddler was going crazy and the twins were being noisy. I wish I could tell you what at least one of them said, but I can't even do that. Justin told me that the reason that they print the talks now is so that parents of young kids can go back and remember what they heard in the midst of chaos.
I always look forward to Conference. We, as Latter-Day Saints get the chance to hear words of wisdom from our wonderful leaders and then we get to ponder them for the next six months. I know that if you come with questions, you will get answers. Well this time, I had questions, but I dont know what my answers are.
The question then becomes was the problem me or my kids. Perhaps I didn't really know what my question was, or perhaps my question was to easy. Also perhaps, my kids are too crazy and way too loud for me to even think about anything during conference. I tried to get activities for Natalie so that she would stay focused. I even got candy, (yeah that backfired). Suddenly Natalie was more interested in the candy then listening at all. Mat was being his regular noisy self and Libby just wanted to be held by me and only me.
Needless to say, at the end of the day I was going crazy. I called my father to say goodbye (Because they are going on a mission and entered the MTC today) and he told me a few things. He told me that I am doing a great job being a mom to my three kids and that it may be hard but it is worth it. Little did I know that my question was being answered in those few minutes that I had with my dad.
Sometimes life is hard, sometimes I want to scream, sometimes I want to laugh and sometimes I want to cry. The best thing that I can do is START to find joy in the little things.
Monday, October 3, 2016
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Seven Months = Sooooo Tired
The twins are now seven months old. I know, I can't believe it either.
It's funny, with Natalie I was consistent about writing how she did every month and would always get excited about writing in her baby book. With the twins, I know that I am at least three months behind with Mat and I have no idea when all the "first's" happened. I have a general knowledge but I can't tell you exactly what was going on. It's more like, I put them down, go check on Natalie, come back and declare to myself, "Oh, you can now do (fill-in-the-blank)." I love them as much as I love Natalie, I just don't have enough time anymore.
Speaking of time, time for updates on your favorite Ferrell twins. Liberty, aka Libby, aka Libby J, aka silly girl is cute and tiny. When she smiles, it fills up the room and makes everyone else smile. She doesn't laugh out loud much, but when you get her in the right mood, her laugh is extremely contagious. She only takes naps for longer than ten minutes if she is exhuasted, otherwise she cat naps and then wakes up when you try to move her with a smile as it to say, let's go party. At her six month appointment she was almost 11 pounds. She has a dairy senstivity and does not take any bottle. That means that I can't eat any dairy products, or chocolate. If I do, then she ends up screaming herself to sleep for at least half an hour.
Mat, aka Matty boy, aka Mr. Dude, aka buddy boy, aka brokowski is definitely bigger than his twin sister. At his six month appointment, he was almost 17 pounds. He is almost too long for his car seat. He loves his sisters and is all smiles when either one of them is around. He can sit up by himself (well almost). One of his favorite toys is this rolling ball that we got, as soon as he sees it, he gets fixated on it and has to touch it.
Natalie is a great big sister. She helps out when I ask her and willingly plays with her sister. I sometimes have to tell her to play with her brother. She poured herself a glass of milk the other day and I wondered where my little girl went.
It's funny, with Natalie I was consistent about writing how she did every month and would always get excited about writing in her baby book. With the twins, I know that I am at least three months behind with Mat and I have no idea when all the "first's" happened. I have a general knowledge but I can't tell you exactly what was going on. It's more like, I put them down, go check on Natalie, come back and declare to myself, "Oh, you can now do (fill-in-the-blank)." I love them as much as I love Natalie, I just don't have enough time anymore.
Speaking of time, time for updates on your favorite Ferrell twins. Liberty, aka Libby, aka Libby J, aka silly girl is cute and tiny. When she smiles, it fills up the room and makes everyone else smile. She doesn't laugh out loud much, but when you get her in the right mood, her laugh is extremely contagious. She only takes naps for longer than ten minutes if she is exhuasted, otherwise she cat naps and then wakes up when you try to move her with a smile as it to say, let's go party. At her six month appointment she was almost 11 pounds. She has a dairy senstivity and does not take any bottle. That means that I can't eat any dairy products, or chocolate. If I do, then she ends up screaming herself to sleep for at least half an hour.
Mat, aka Matty boy, aka Mr. Dude, aka buddy boy, aka brokowski is definitely bigger than his twin sister. At his six month appointment, he was almost 17 pounds. He is almost too long for his car seat. He loves his sisters and is all smiles when either one of them is around. He can sit up by himself (well almost). One of his favorite toys is this rolling ball that we got, as soon as he sees it, he gets fixated on it and has to touch it.
Natalie is a great big sister. She helps out when I ask her and willingly plays with her sister. I sometimes have to tell her to play with her brother. She poured herself a glass of milk the other day and I wondered where my little girl went.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Five Months = Still surviving
That's right,the twins are five months old now which means that we have survived almost half a year. And guess what, they still sleep in our room. I must say that it is just easier, but also I don't want to admit that they are getting older. Plus we still use their room as the "If-I -don't-know-where-it-goes,then-it-goes-in-that-room" room. One day it will stop, but probably not. (Justin and I joked about how we would keep throwing our garbage in the back-seat of the car and that it would hopefully change when we started having kids.) Guess who is still throwing garbage behind her seat in the mini-van? yep, me.
One of the questions that we constantly get now is "Are things getting normal?" I don't know if I can say that we will ever be normal, we have twins, that's not normal. I think what people mean is "Is life getting easier for you? I sure hope so, because I don't know how you do it." At least that is what I hope people mean. Life is getting into somewhat of a routine. Mat goes to sleep and wakes up at about one, eats and then falls alseep. He wakes up about an hour later because he is still hungry becasue he fell asleep while eating and so did we, so therefore from about one until five, it is a never-ending battle between hunger and sleep which keeps both Justin and I up because Mat is on the bed with us during this time so that neither one of us have to get up. (I wouldn't call it lazy, I would call it self-preservation). Mat is up and ready to go about six-thirty in the morning.
Meanwhile, Libby pretty much sleeps through the night, but not before screaming herself to sleep from 8 -9. If she does wake up to eat, it doesn't happen until about five. She sleeps in until about 8 or later and then I am lucky if she even takes one nap. She is colicky and we think that she might be a little lactose intolerant which means no dairy for me because she exclusively nurses. The funny thing about that is that when they were younger, I cried because they wouldn't take me and now I cry because Libby will only take me.
Natalie is the perhaps the most normal yet. She actually gets to sleep at night which is better than the rest of us. However, she does wake up sometimes and immediately asks for mom. When we go in there and ask whats wrong, she won't tell us and just wants us to lie down with her. She is able to go back to sleep pretty easily. She no longer takes naps even though she still needs them and has decided that it nots bedtime because the sun is still up. The biggest thing that I don't understand is that she survives on practicialy nothing and yet still has enough energy to run around like a three year old.
One of the questions that we constantly get now is "Are things getting normal?" I don't know if I can say that we will ever be normal, we have twins, that's not normal. I think what people mean is "Is life getting easier for you? I sure hope so, because I don't know how you do it." At least that is what I hope people mean. Life is getting into somewhat of a routine. Mat goes to sleep and wakes up at about one, eats and then falls alseep. He wakes up about an hour later because he is still hungry becasue he fell asleep while eating and so did we, so therefore from about one until five, it is a never-ending battle between hunger and sleep which keeps both Justin and I up because Mat is on the bed with us during this time so that neither one of us have to get up. (I wouldn't call it lazy, I would call it self-preservation). Mat is up and ready to go about six-thirty in the morning.
Meanwhile, Libby pretty much sleeps through the night, but not before screaming herself to sleep from 8 -9. If she does wake up to eat, it doesn't happen until about five. She sleeps in until about 8 or later and then I am lucky if she even takes one nap. She is colicky and we think that she might be a little lactose intolerant which means no dairy for me because she exclusively nurses. The funny thing about that is that when they were younger, I cried because they wouldn't take me and now I cry because Libby will only take me.
Natalie is the perhaps the most normal yet. She actually gets to sleep at night which is better than the rest of us. However, she does wake up sometimes and immediately asks for mom. When we go in there and ask whats wrong, she won't tell us and just wants us to lie down with her. She is able to go back to sleep pretty easily. She no longer takes naps even though she still needs them and has decided that it nots bedtime because the sun is still up. The biggest thing that I don't understand is that she survives on practicialy nothing and yet still has enough energy to run around like a three year old.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Happy Mothers Day
I know that Mother's day was yesterday and I meant to write this post yesterday but I got tired at about 5:30 pm and somehow managed to stay awake until 9:30 pm. Then I fell asleep holding M trying to get him asleep while the husband and I were watching a show. I guess that is what happens when you are awake at 6:30 am because your son is a morning person.
I feel that I have a unique perspective on Mothers day. My husband and I have been married for ten years and we struggle with infertility. The only thing that I ever wanted to be was a mom and as I saw all my friends get married and then have kids right away, I felt left out. I was broken and therefore would never see my dreams happen. Seven years ago I posted this message on our family blog and honestly thought that this would be my life.
We moved to Georgia after college graduation and that's when we decided to start the adoptive process. We worked with LDS Family Services and got approved for adoption in February of 2011. I was so excited to be a mom but had so many questions. Would I be a good mom? How was I going to connect with the baby? And the biggest question was who would I talk to about all my problems because my mother had passed away in October of 2008. I was so afraid and again felt alone. I knew that I had good friends around me, but doesn't every girl need her mother at some point in those first few years of parenthood.
Disclaimer: I have an amazing mother-in-law and my father got remarried to a wonderful woman. I am grateful to have these two examples in my life, but they aren't my mother and they both recognize that.
In June of 2011, we moved back to Utah because my husband got a job at UVU (Utah Valley University). With LDS Family Services, when you move states, you have to pay a transfer fee and we were due to go through the application process again,so Justin and I decided to put that money towards possible figuring out what the heck was wrong with me.
I knew that I had PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and in Georgia, a doctor had diagnosed me with pre-mature ovarian failure (after consulting WebMD about my symptoms), but I wondered if there was maybe something else going on. I was reading a blog (which I almost never did at the time) and saw a post about an incredible infertility doctor. I checked with our insurance and he was covered. Later that month, I made our first appointment with Dr. Russell Foulk at the Utah Fertility Center.
They tested us both for issues and when Justin's test came back negative, I felt so inadequate because then I knew that it was ALL my fault. My tests were different and we found out that I have a benign tumor in my head right next to my sinus cavity that secretes prolactin, the nursing hormone. So basically, in addition to PCOS, my body though I was constantly nursing because of the high levels of prolactin in my system. Apparently this tumor is so common that they have medicine for it. I started taking the medicine and within four months we were told that we could start trying to have a child.
Now four years later, we have three miracles thanks to Utah Fertility Center and this mothers day I celebrated being a mom with my three year old telling me that I am her best friend. I have an angel mother, a step-mother and a mother-in-law. I have been a hopeful mother, a wannabe mother, a possible adoptive mother, a frustrated with God for not letting me be a mother mother, and a soon to be mother.
Today I am a mother and I know that all my trials have made me stronger. Happy mothers day to all the amazing women that are in my life. We are all mothers and have the power to influence those around us for good each day.
I feel that I have a unique perspective on Mothers day. My husband and I have been married for ten years and we struggle with infertility. The only thing that I ever wanted to be was a mom and as I saw all my friends get married and then have kids right away, I felt left out. I was broken and therefore would never see my dreams happen. Seven years ago I posted this message on our family blog and honestly thought that this would be my life.
A MOM WANNABE
I want to be a mom. But I cant. Instead, I'm a mom wannabe.
I want to procreate. I want to conceive a child naturally with my husband, in the privacy of our home, in the spirit of love and passion, in the way God intended. But I cant. Instead, a Doctor, a laboratory and a test tube will try to assist God with our conception.
I want to discover that my period is several days late. I want to buy a pregnancy test and pee on a stick. I want to see the + sign. I want to cry tears of joy for the news wed discover. But I cant. Instead, I cry tears of pain at random, for no reason and with no warning.
I want to experience morning sickness. I want my hormones to go haywire. I want the pregnant glow I want to have my husband talk to my belly. But I cant. Instead, I try not to look pregnant. I don't buy clearance clothes for next year, just in case. I try to keep my emotions from going haywire. I dream that my husband talks to my belly.
I want to take pre-natal vitamins. I want to eat for two. I want to schedule my first doctors visit. I want to sit in the waiting room with other pregnant women and know that I am one of them. But I cant. Instead, I wonder if those pregnant women ever had problems conceiving. I think how cute they look as they waddle with their big bellies. I smile at babies that are not mine. I ache from loving someone I've never met.
I want to hear the Doctor say, You are pregnant. Your progress is right on schedule. But I cant. Instead I hear: I am sorry Lets try one more cycle Technology is really improving.
I want to surprise my parents with a new grandchild. I want to tell my family and friends our good news. I want my life to change overnight. I want to read What to Expect When You are Expecting. But I cant. Instead, I have no news to tell. I realize my life hasn't changed in years. I read When Empty Arms Leave a Heavy Burden.
I want to monitor the progress. I want to see the ultrasounds. I want to hear the heartbeat. I want to watch our baby grow. I want to feel the kicks. But I cant. Instead, I take the injections. I give blood. I watch my eggs grow and pray they fertilize. My embryos are transferred, while my husband watches our conception from across the room. I wait. I pray. I wait for the one phone call that can make our life better. Or worse.
I want to decorate the nursery. I want to childproof our home. I want to shop for adorable, soft, tiny outfits. I want to shop at Gymboree. I want to save money for the baby. But I cant. Instead, I imagine a crib in the empty room down the hall. I avoid the baby stores in the mall. We spend our money on Doctor appointments, tests and high tech procedures. We spend our money on a dream. We are left with an empty bank account. We are left with empty arms.
I want to share the experience with my pregnant friends. I want to compare symptoms. I want to be the guest of honor at a baby shower. But I cant. Instead I watch my friends get pregnant quickly. I watch their bellies grow attend their showers, see their pictures and try to be a good friend. I watch their lives change and our friendships change in front of my eyes.
I want my belly to drop. I want my water to break. I want contractions. I want an epidural. I want my husband by my side and my family in the waiting room. I want the pushing. I want the pain. I want to hear the cry. But I cant. Instead I feel a different pain. I hear my own cry. Yes I even hear the cry of my husband which hurts more than I had ever imagined.
I want to hold our baby in my arms, with tears of joy streaming down our faces. I want to experience the miracle of birth thinking, We did it! but knowing that God did it. But I cant. Instead I hold my husband in my arms with tears of sorrow streaming down our faces and wonder what God''s plan is for us and why we have to go through this.
I want to pray that one extra special blessing be added to my life. And I do. I pray my 1000th unanswered prayer to God and hope that this time He answers. I pray for the miracle of life that only God can give. I pray that someday soon, He will give it to us.
Written by: Allison Kathleen Whitney
We moved to Georgia after college graduation and that's when we decided to start the adoptive process. We worked with LDS Family Services and got approved for adoption in February of 2011. I was so excited to be a mom but had so many questions. Would I be a good mom? How was I going to connect with the baby? And the biggest question was who would I talk to about all my problems because my mother had passed away in October of 2008. I was so afraid and again felt alone. I knew that I had good friends around me, but doesn't every girl need her mother at some point in those first few years of parenthood.
Disclaimer: I have an amazing mother-in-law and my father got remarried to a wonderful woman. I am grateful to have these two examples in my life, but they aren't my mother and they both recognize that.
In June of 2011, we moved back to Utah because my husband got a job at UVU (Utah Valley University). With LDS Family Services, when you move states, you have to pay a transfer fee and we were due to go through the application process again,so Justin and I decided to put that money towards possible figuring out what the heck was wrong with me.
I knew that I had PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and in Georgia, a doctor had diagnosed me with pre-mature ovarian failure (after consulting WebMD about my symptoms), but I wondered if there was maybe something else going on. I was reading a blog (which I almost never did at the time) and saw a post about an incredible infertility doctor. I checked with our insurance and he was covered. Later that month, I made our first appointment with Dr. Russell Foulk at the Utah Fertility Center.
They tested us both for issues and when Justin's test came back negative, I felt so inadequate because then I knew that it was ALL my fault. My tests were different and we found out that I have a benign tumor in my head right next to my sinus cavity that secretes prolactin, the nursing hormone. So basically, in addition to PCOS, my body though I was constantly nursing because of the high levels of prolactin in my system. Apparently this tumor is so common that they have medicine for it. I started taking the medicine and within four months we were told that we could start trying to have a child.
Now four years later, we have three miracles thanks to Utah Fertility Center and this mothers day I celebrated being a mom with my three year old telling me that I am her best friend. I have an angel mother, a step-mother and a mother-in-law. I have been a hopeful mother, a wannabe mother, a possible adoptive mother, a frustrated with God for not letting me be a mother mother, and a soon to be mother.
Today I am a mother and I know that all my trials have made me stronger. Happy mothers day to all the amazing women that are in my life. We are all mothers and have the power to influence those around us for good each day.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
No more excuses
Everytime I decide to write on this blog, I always end up with an excuse:
1)N is being too quiet, I need to go check on her
2) M is screaming bloody murder and needs his bottle now or else he'll die
3)N is smoshing L to death and so I need to rescue her (Her being L, not N)
4)My laptop is broken because someone broke the screen (it was me) and so I have to sit at the desktop which takes too much time and then N will want to watch or play something
5)I have better things to do like watch Glee
6) No one wants to read this anyway because my writing is awful
Those excuses will cycle through and I end up thinking at least three of them at the same time. However, I have decided that I have no more excuses. One thing that I have realized is that I am not perfect and will never be. The most that I can do is try and then keep trying until one day maybe things get easier.
The main reason that I have decided to just START is because my parents are going on a mission and I have been trying to think of a way that we can keep in touch. Then it hit me, you have a blog genius! I think that my brain cells are slowly dying because of my lack of sleep. I know that when it comes to trying new things, the only thing that stops me is FEAR. Darn that fear, because it doesn't even need to be there. The only time we learn new things is when we take a risk. Once that risk is taken, then we realized how strong we are. I wish we knew that from the beginning.
I am a piano teacher. I have been playing since I was seven. My credentials include music classes and my own knowledge and that's it. One day, one of my neighbors come up to me and asked if I have thought about teaching. I acknowledged that I had thought about it. She then told me that she was looking for a teacher for her two boys because her parents were going on a mission. (Her mother was the teacher for her boys.) I said maybe and left it at that. Of course I had an excuse. After a few weeks, my husband asked me what I was waiting for and I couldn't answer him. So I decided to START and I now have five students while entertaining a three year old and four-month old twins.
My motto for this year is:
NO MORE EXCUSES:JUST START!
Katie
1)N is being too quiet, I need to go check on her
2) M is screaming bloody murder and needs his bottle now or else he'll die
3)N is smoshing L to death and so I need to rescue her (Her being L, not N)
4)My laptop is broken because someone broke the screen (it was me) and so I have to sit at the desktop which takes too much time and then N will want to watch or play something
5)I have better things to do like watch Glee
6) No one wants to read this anyway because my writing is awful
Those excuses will cycle through and I end up thinking at least three of them at the same time. However, I have decided that I have no more excuses. One thing that I have realized is that I am not perfect and will never be. The most that I can do is try and then keep trying until one day maybe things get easier.
The main reason that I have decided to just START is because my parents are going on a mission and I have been trying to think of a way that we can keep in touch. Then it hit me, you have a blog genius! I think that my brain cells are slowly dying because of my lack of sleep. I know that when it comes to trying new things, the only thing that stops me is FEAR. Darn that fear, because it doesn't even need to be there. The only time we learn new things is when we take a risk. Once that risk is taken, then we realized how strong we are. I wish we knew that from the beginning.
I am a piano teacher. I have been playing since I was seven. My credentials include music classes and my own knowledge and that's it. One day, one of my neighbors come up to me and asked if I have thought about teaching. I acknowledged that I had thought about it. She then told me that she was looking for a teacher for her two boys because her parents were going on a mission. (Her mother was the teacher for her boys.) I said maybe and left it at that. Of course I had an excuse. After a few weeks, my husband asked me what I was waiting for and I couldn't answer him. So I decided to START and I now have five students while entertaining a three year old and four-month old twins.
My motto for this year is:
NO MORE EXCUSES:JUST START!
Katie
Monday, February 29, 2016
Time flies when you have twins
My husband and I met up with some friends on President's Day and went to Sweet Tomatoes for dinner. While there, the friend asked about my blog and I responded with "Have I had time?
So this one is for my friend.
I have decided that having twins is manageable, hard, but manageable. My husband and I take turns trading off. (By the way I do not know how parents of triplets or more handle it, my hat goes off to you). If one is especially fussy, then we try to console for a little bit and end up trading when all of a sudden that certain fussy child is miracuoulsy cured. Also we take turns feeding during the night. Unfortunately, we still don't sleep well, because if one starts crying, you automatically want to help even if its not your twin for the night.
The biggest issue that we have with raising our twins is our toddler. She is the one who causes us trouble. She constantly wants us to do things for her, but she waits until we are busy with the twins and then gets sad when things don't go her way. Forget the terrible twos, I think that terrible threes are worse.
So this one is for my friend.
I have decided that having twins is manageable, hard, but manageable. My husband and I take turns trading off. (By the way I do not know how parents of triplets or more handle it, my hat goes off to you). If one is especially fussy, then we try to console for a little bit and end up trading when all of a sudden that certain fussy child is miracuoulsy cured. Also we take turns feeding during the night. Unfortunately, we still don't sleep well, because if one starts crying, you automatically want to help even if its not your twin for the night.
The biggest issue that we have with raising our twins is our toddler. She is the one who causes us trouble. She constantly wants us to do things for her, but she waits until we are busy with the twins and then gets sad when things don't go her way. Forget the terrible twos, I think that terrible threes are worse.
Friday, January 1, 2016
2016, here we come
My name is Katie and my husband and I are expecting twins. We will go from a family of three to a family of five in a matter of minutes. We were hoping that they would come right at the end of 2015 and the beginning of 2016 so that they would have a cool birth story, but they did not get the memo. We are still waiting for their arrival.
We have a little girl who will be three at the end of this month. We try to tell her what is going on but I don't know if she gets it. She is quite a talker but only around those that she knows. She is the light of our lives and makes us laugh all the time.
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